A Christmas Rhyme

3 min read

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ApothecaryAphid's avatar
By
ApothecaryAphid
Published:
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Thank you for all of the happy birthdays. You guys are all cool. SO here is a story, to get the Christmas cheer going. And of course.........the story will end up being about Wal-Mart.



I look in my pantry to see that I am out of double A batteries,
And for some reason my nose will not stop shooting out snot....damn allergies.

I get in my car and leave to the dreaded Wal-Mart,
GOD I HATE that place, I would rather inhale a fart.

I go to the battery section to see that there is blood on the ground,
I look around, but there is no body to be found.

So I grab what I need and see that there is a sale so I buy two,
Then I look down to see that I stepped in some strange goo.

As I scrape my shoe on the ground, a man looked at me and said "You do not want to know what that is."
I then panic and start to freak out, I yell, "That better not be jizz!"

I am panicking to the point that I am choking,
The man says, "Relax, I am just joking."

And yes, I am that gullible,
It ends up getting me into a lot of trouble. 

I purchase my batteries and chill,
I am startled by a man who dropped his grill,
He was almost as big as Winston Churchhill,
God he was a big man, he should have used his money on a treadmill,
He was mad, yelling, screaming, and cursing so much it was overkill,
His voice was more obnoxious than Johnny Knoxville,
That man was soooooo annoying, I wanted to move to Brazil.

After the man picked up his grill and saw that it was 100% fine,
He said, "Good day" and walked out like Frankenstein.

So the Wal-Mart greeters have the right to look at your receipt if they have a strange feeling,
They do that to make sure that you are definitely not stealing.

So the greeter looks at me and said, "May I look at your receipt?" 
As a joke I said, "Here you go, please don't call in the heat!"

The greeter said, "Ok now take off your coat."
I thought to myself, if he wants to be the creepiest greater in the world, he gets my vote.

I asked why?
He said, "I believe that you are stealing something in your coat, do not lie."
I was irritated and began to sigh,

I said, "I do not steal, you are insulting my intelligence."
He got mad and pumped up at that instance.

He said, "Ok, if that is how you want to play, I will play ball."      <---- (He seriously said that)    
He took me to the side and told me to stay on the wall.

The manager came buy and told me to remove the coat,
I am soooooo pissed, I want to punch him in the throat.

I take it off and they search it,
I seriously want to kick them in the tit.

And so their surprise they did not find anything,
The man who accused me of stealing started sweating. 

The manager hands me my coat and said, "Sorry we took you through the wringer."
As I walked out of the store, I gave him the finger.
© 2013 - 2024 ApothecaryAphid
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Bluejay607's avatar
Bluejay607
:clap: so beautifully said