Do you hate telemarketers?

I $%#&*! hate telemarketers. Like 99.99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999% of the time I don't want what they are selling. But they are hellbent on wasting your time by trying to convince you that that you need what they have. 

Lately I have been getting some frequent phone calls. And it is annoying me. They say that all you have to say is this, "No, please put this number on the do not call list." Then hang up. I do it all of the time, but they still manage to call me, so I don't know if it is true, or if I am doing it right. So the last call I got, I was out to ruin somebody's day and teach a company a lesson.

So I got a call yesterday and it was a telemarketer trying to sell me fixed rate mortgage? I can't really remember exactly what he was trying to sell me, I will explain why is a moment. So he first starts out with a 20 minute (no kidding) into into the whole deal. He then asks me if I am interested. I say, "I don't know, it sounds great. However the financing is what I don't understand. Can you explain that to me again."

HE THEN goes into the financing options. As he is talking I am going to the bathroom, dusting my computer and consoles, reading my pearls before swine treasuries, letting my dog out to go potty. So after 20!!! more minutes (still not kidding), he then asks me if I am interested. I say, "Ok, financing.......great...... but price.........................not so great. I hear you say that your company was flexible?

He got all excited and tells me yes then goes into the price options. While he is doing that, I play some Hearthstone, applied cream to my anus (just kidding, I would have loved to seen the look on your face when you read that), I was playing tug-of-war with my dog. AFTER 20 MORE MINUTES (STILL NOT KIDDING) he asked me what option that I wanted. I then say, "I am soooooo sorry but my phone was cutting out. We are having issues with out internet and phone provider. I heard the first two options but I did not hear the other three. Can you repeat those ones?"

He goes into the other three. I actually started to listen at one point, and I think that he said that the $300,000 loan was only available to people who make $100,000 a year. I am not kidding. That just sounds odd. So he goes into them, as he is doing that I am just playing more Hearthstone. He asks if I am interested. I say, "Well I only make $50,000 a year, (which is a lie, I don't make that much) how can I get the gold package when I don't make as much? Strangely he tells me that there is a way around the system and blah blah blah. 

So he goes into the offer. As he is doing that I play some Dying Light. He asks me if I am interested. It has been ONE AND A HALF HOURS of him babbling to me. It is time to end this. So I say, "That is a great offer and I really need to move. My neighbors house is actually a whore house and I really hate the sounds of that place at night. I loose a lot of sleep if you have not figured that out."

HE THEN SAYS (AND I KID YOU NOT) "Yeah neighbors can be difficult, so if you are interested I can set up your account right now." I was at shock and awe at this. I say, "Can you make me a better offer?" He says yes and goes into a different offer. I am just amazed at this. So he goes into another 20 minutes (still....not kidding) about an even better price. 

So at the end of his spiel he asks me if I am interested. 2 hours of this. And I say, ".................................no I don't, please put this number on your do not call list." And I hang up.


Yes I know that these people have a job and they are just trying to make a living and survive. I KNOW THIS. But none of them get the message to not call me again. Hopefully his company will understand. YES I HAVE caller ID. However, lately, whenever I do not pick up the phone they have been calling in 10 minute intervals. I am not lying. One business called 5 times in a row, just to sell me coffin insurance for when I die.